Life can be so frustrating at times, and when our life is filled with hard times, we look around and see others dancing along their path. We see others getting help along the way, and then we turn and see ourselves feeling left out. We look at what we’ve been through, and judge it in a negative light. We look to see the people who weren’t there, and we look to see that the world wasn’t on our side. If we open our eyes though, not only have be given the gift of strength threw these impeccable hard times, but if we just open ourselves up, we can see all the direction, and support we have been given by the world to tune in with ourselves and grow. When we search for one person to resolve our hard times, we miss out on all our own personal gifts. Guidance comes when you trust that the world will be on your side, help comes in those friendships you build, help comes in a smile from a stranger on a bad day, and help comes when you feel the inspiration of others. But mostly importantly, help comes from within. Achieving nothing, is a simple task, it is an empty life, and requires no struggle or pain. Hard times make us gladiators, they provide armor for future battles, and although, hard times open our eyes up, they also guard our hearts. Instead of gazing around at others who could merely be rested and achieving nothing, be a gladiator, and breed only success.
“We do what needs to be done and we don’t question why. We put the personal to the left. We don’t get to have feelings. That’s the job. Gladiators don’t get to have feelings. We rush into battle. We’re soldiers. We get hurt in the fight we suck it up and we hold the line, and we don’t question.”
I use to ride the Metro-North train up to my grandparents house in Connecticut, in the cold snowy winters. To me, the train ride always seemed to be the best part. Gazing outside as the snow drifted along the tracks, and people boarded on and off. It was on these rides I would find myself deep in thought. What did destiny mean to me, would always be a popular discussion in my mind. It confused me as a young girl, because I always thought of destiny as a destination. I always wondered what it would feel like when I reached my destiny, and when that moment came, would that be the only light I would see in my life. As I grew older, I began to realize destiny was more than one destination, it was the moments occurring now. Destiny can be heartache, deep love, unfortunate decisions, happiness, self-discovery or sadness. We have to live each moment, learning each lesson, and learning each person we meet so we can link them all together to create a chain. As we connect each of these defining moments in our lives, we create our destiny. Destiny isn’t some destination or one shining moment for the world to see us how we are, but instead it is present, where we are now.
It has been a really long time since I got personal, or have even posted. My life has been all over the map, but somehow today, it has brought me back here. This quote just hit me hard. One day my body is a certain way, months later it is here. I dropped 35 pounds, not because I wanted too, but because I got so sick,(Stomach issues). I not only felt like I wasn’t myself, my clothes were falling off, nothing fit, and I felt like I needed to try my hardest to get back. So I ate only healthy foods, lots of almond butter, lots of smoothies packed with healthy fats, salads, beans, eggs and lots of protein shakes. I started to gain, so so so slowly. Progress was taking so long, and I was becoming discouraged, but I never gave up. People everyday talk about “how do I lose weight I’m so miserable, need to lose 5 pounds.” Here I was trying to gain back 35, and not by eating McDonalds and meat, but by eating healthy. Everyday I looked in the mirror, was looking for that beautiful body that I once picked at for every little imperfection. I would take all those imperfections back. But I only fought harder, I was determined. I am about 10 pounds shy of my weight, but I have been lifting heavier weights when my body permits it, and my body is coming back better then ever. For those out there who constantly nit pick at the imperfections, instead of doing so, just exercise. Once you get your head in the game, you will see those imperfections disappear. My journey is not over, but I am thankful for the beauty that I can look in the mirror and see. I am also thankful that I know that I worked hard for this! So here’s to us!
“In the end, these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” – Buddha
It has been a hectic two weeks for me, hence my absence. I was fortunate enough this evening to get a moment of solitude in the park near my house. I was able to completely empty my mind, and write freely. I have never shared my writing here, but here goes nothing!!
A gentle warm breeze fills the air as the sun starts to dim down behind the trees. The lamp posts flicker on and the sounds of gravel brushing off the runners shoes sound the park. The lake is rippling from the breeze, but it still looks completely calm. I am propped up on a bench under a tree which is swaying. I gaze far out beyond the lake to the other side and reminisce. I am brought back to a time which clouds my mind with compelling memories but I quickly forced them out of my head. Lovers stroll holding hands, as lovers tend to do. But I am more interested in the runners, and what has brought them here to this park tonight. Is it the same intentions I have brought with me, in hopes to escape bad memories, or is it the solitude of this summer night? When I close my eyes, I can bring myself to any place, but still I am brought to these same memories again. The harder I pushed them away, the faster they came plummeting in my lap.
My question for you today, which is a self reflection, “how well do you love, how fully do you life, and how deeply do you let go?”