“She dreamed improbable dreams. Followed her heart & created her own little fairytale”
I always wondered what it would feel like to live a real life fairytale. But then I began to wonder what fairytales were portrayed to us as. Each and every fairytale had a perfect princess, who fell in love with a prince and that was her happy ending. But that is not my fairytale, and not my happy ending, and I don’t think that’s yours either. Yes we all crave love, and to be in love, but to call that our happy ending would be spurious because in reality, it’s just the beginning; a new chapter. A happy ending is our entire beautiful journey. It is not only the happy infinite moments, but also the bumps, bruises, and scars along the way. It is those moment that we mend ourselves back together, and we look back months, years later and say, “wow, I overcame that.” A fairytale includes all the small moments of life, a simple glance from a stranger, a precious childhood memory to a warm embrace from a loved one. It also includes big moments like falling in love, heartbreak, and the strength to start over. But most of all, your fairytale begins and ends with you. Falling in love with you is the best fairytale you could ever write. You have the pen in your hand and you have the power and choice to say “I can and I will.” There’s no place I’d rather be than right here in my real, imperfect, beautifully flawed fairytale, beginning and ending with a journey of discovering and finding me.
Throughout life, I have wanted this, wanted that, and always had such a tight grip because I wanted my life to be arranged just so. I had many desires and expectations regarding my life and my plan for it. But what I’ve come to realize that the journey is not arranging my life just so, but to continually seeking and being open to find the journey of your soul. Consciously we could become discomforted by the idea of throwing caution to the wind and being open, but if we can see beyond the surface, we can begin to experience with the heart of our souls. We will feel completely empowered by the depth we find. It is here we will learn about power, love, faith, hope, letting go, embracing new, and courage. Opening up is not something that we do a few times in life, but rather, it has to be our way of life. Life is always going to throw us curve balls and make us want to close off, and put up a wall. When we make a commitment to ourselves to be open, no matter what life “does to us,” we are choosing how we want to live. It may be risky to love, to feel, to believe and be open, because at one point in your life you were burned or betrayed. But that insecurity only comes from not trusting and cherishing your own heart. Open your heart and believe. Learn to see life with the heart of your soul and experience your truths and let your soul lead on this beautiful journey of life.
“Every generation likes to think they’re improving upon the last, that progress is inevitable, that the future holds less misery and suffering than the past. But the truth is, some things never change. History has a way of repeating itself. It’s just most people don’t live long enough to see it happen.”
They say one small act can change everything. You can be the change for all generations to come. If perhaps we each showed ourselves more self-love, and self-responsibility, we would truly see what a powerful tool we can obtain. Loving yourself is a powerful force to enact change. Unexpected and painful things happen, and often we just become frustrated by them. Our life takes an unexpected turn, something we didn’t hope for initially, and we lose all self-love. We tell ourselves that we didn’t want this, it’s not fair, and we convince ourselves that this isn’t leading us anywhere. Because our lives turn upside, we turn on ourselves. We ignore all guidance at this time, and most of the time, it is that guidance that we need to get us through this experience. But if we love ourselves through this storm, block, turn, twist, we can hear our heart, and it will surely lead us. We have to keep loving ourselves until we can act on what our heart tells us. We must find the courage to use this powerful force for change. You must love yourself, so that you can stay on the trustworthy path, no matter what life brings. One small step, can change not only your world, but those around you.
“In the end, these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?” – Buddha
It has been a hectic two weeks for me, hence my absence. I was fortunate enough this evening to get a moment of solitude in the park near my house. I was able to completely empty my mind, and write freely. I have never shared my writing here, but here goes nothing!!
A gentle warm breeze fills the air as the sun starts to dim down behind the trees. The lamp posts flicker on and the sounds of gravel brushing off the runners shoes sound the park. The lake is rippling from the breeze, but it still looks completely calm. I am propped up on a bench under a tree which is swaying. I gaze far out beyond the lake to the other side and reminisce. I am brought back to a time which clouds my mind with compelling memories but I quickly forced them out of my head. Lovers stroll holding hands, as lovers tend to do. But I am more interested in the runners, and what has brought them here to this park tonight. Is it the same intentions I have brought with me, in hopes to escape bad memories, or is it the solitude of this summer night? When I close my eyes, I can bring myself to any place, but still I am brought to these same memories again. The harder I pushed them away, the faster they came plummeting in my lap.
My question for you today, which is a self reflection, “how well do you love, how fully do you life, and how deeply do you let go?”
“I write about the power of trying, because I want to be okay with failing. I write about generosity because I battle selfishness. I write about joy because I know sorrow. I write about faith because I almost lost mine, and I know what it is to be broken and in need of redemption. I write about gratitude because I am thankful – for all of it.” – Kristin Armstrong
I began to ponder before I found this quote, why do I write? At first the answer was simple, it is a place where I can freely write anything, without being judged. But then I let the question sit with me, deep in my thoughts, and paused again, and did not find the same answer. I write not only because I can write anything freely, but because I am called to do so. I write in good times and in bad, I write on sunny summer days, and on cloudy winter days. I write because it helps me understand things which don’t make sense, and require rereading to understand. I write to remember all the moments so vividly, and precisely as if I were re-experiencing them again. I write so I can recall my growth and remember my struggles, for it is those moments who made me who I am today. But most importantly, I write in hopes that my story will somehow, someway, help someone feel at ease. Why do you write?
Your writing voice is the deepest possible reflection of who you are. The job of your voice is not to seduce or flatter or make well-shaped sentences. In your voice, your readers should be able to hear the contents of your mind, your heart,your soul.” -Meg Rosoff
“People who do a job that claims to be creative have to be alone to recharge their batteries. You can’t live 24 hours a day in the spotlight and remain creative. For people like me, solitude is a victory.” -Karl Lagerfeld
Ever feel like you give and give and give more, but always give and take nothing in return? It’s draining and can leave you feeling down, and depleted. Energy is something you are, not necessarily something you have. You need to take time to regroup, and recharge yourself. Most people find taking a break as a waste of time, but it is almost essential for our creative function. You can find yourself accomplishing so much more and see yourself going so much further if you just give back to yourself. Read a book, take a walk, watch a sappy movie, listen to a song that moves you, take a hot bath with a cup of soothing tea. Just do something that speaks to you, something that will energize you. For me, I will put everything aside today, for the World Cup! I am very ecstatic for opening ceremonies and the first game! Hope you find the time today to give back to yourself and just regroup and recharge.
“Passion is passion. It’s the excitement between the tedious spaces, and it doesn’t matter where it’s directed…It can be coins or sports or politics or horses or music or faith…the saddest people I’ve ever met in life are the ones who don’t care deeply about anything at all.” ― Nicholas Sparks, Dear John
When you are out, or just having a conversation with someone, if you pay full attention to them, you can see what moves their soul. When they are describing a book, and their face is so enthusiastic about it, or they are flaying their arms in excitement. It truly is an extraordinary remarkable moment. People rarely talk about their passions, because they are so involved in topic of conversations about their terrible boss, or day at work. But on that rare occasion that someone sparks your attention by their beaming energy, and you can just see how deeply they are rooted to it. It’s magical, much like a still night with a full moon. The moon was always something that intrigued me. Not just for the simple fact that it can light up an entire sky in darkness, but how perfect it can look even when it’s not full. It’s beauty is in all shapes and sizes. The moon, if you haven’t noticed yet, is a passion of mine. To lay in the grass and stare blankly into the stars, and moon, is just an endless feeling. But the best feelings in life are the one’s where we can exchange our moments that bring us to these amazing places. Not only because everyone has a different passion, but because it shows we have depth in our souls. We can continue to have the same conversations upon ever meeting, or why don’t you dare to ignore life’s worries, and indulge in conversations that move your soul. So tonight meet me under the moon, close one eye, and put your thumb up, i’ll be there waiting….
” No matter where it is in the sky..No matter where you are in the world..the moon is never bigger than your thumb.” -Dear John
Today is my 27th Birthday! YAY ME!I am super excited for this special day ahead, but am saddened that my godfather who shared this same birthday as me, is no longer here to celebrate with me. He will always be remembered today and everyday with much love in my heart. It has been a tradition of mine for almost ten years now, that I mail out letters to my family members, which are to be opened on my birthday. In these letters, I thank them for all their support and love throughout the year. It makes my day special to know that I can bring a smile to those who are my close to me. Today, I want to reach out and thank all of you for your support along this journey with me. I am not only bettering myself, but I am sharing all this positivity with all of you! Thank you for staying with me, and for reading! I am grateful for being able to share my stories with you, and hoping that I can bring smiles to all of your faces. So I hope you all enjoy my special day as much as I will! Make a wish, I hope it comes true for you!!!
Everyone knows that can’t eat, can’t sleep, hide under the covers all day crying your eyes out feeling. We walk through life so blessed that we forget about these times till the walls come crashing down and we hit rock bottom. I wish I could say I had the miracle fix to this, but I don’t. I wish I had some inspiration for you during these times, but loss hurts. So what do you do? You cry, and hurt, but you find yourself in these places. As I placed a yellow rose into the ground this week, with tears clouding my eyes, I am brought back to memories of the past. The pain I felt then and now are exactly the same, but time has healed those wounds, and hopefully time will heal these as well. You can never forget the memories, for they are haunting during these times, but it is these memories which will continue to help you remember the good that’s left behind. We can only press forward to a greater place, of remembrance, joy, and blessing. We are blessed to have had the moments to share, and are blessed with the impact left on us. We must go forth and remember nothing stays forever. In a split second, life could change, and everything could be lost. So enjoy each and every embrace, and always remember to love yourself.
As I sat in the pew of the overly packed church this afternoon, awaiting my ashes, I began to think about Lent and the weeks ahead. Thinking of being washed of my sins of the past, as she placed the ashes on my forehead, and as I took my first step away from her, thinking of how to embark on a better future with fewer mistakes. I thought of what I wanted to “give up” for Lent, and through the years it has always been the same, “don’t bite my nails.” But as I wiped the dust ashes from my eyes, I thought about the idea of judgement. Just yesterday, minding my own business, just enjoying the day, someone randomly decided to impose their opinion on my life, asking where my drive was? As I stared blankly back at them, I felt no response was necessary. I knew within myself, that I had more drive and strength then anyone could or would ever need to see. For me, that’s enough. I began to think of the judgments I may at times impose on others, and thought that this Lent I will try my hardest just to be more understanding, and less judging. Because who am I really to judge another? I don’t know what they deal with on a daily basis, or what weight is on their shoulders. I only know what I carry, and to be an added burden to someone, just seems so unfair. So this Ash Wednesday I commit to hopefully being judgement free, and instead of being a burden, I hope to lighten your weight, even just a little. Everyone deserves to smile, and everyone deserves to do things in their own time, without judgement. Everyone deserves the opportunity to finding a better self.